I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
