p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
