I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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