Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
