Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
