my being single is dangerous.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i think my cat just said my name.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
