Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
