I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
