I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
