just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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