so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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