have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
