he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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