mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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