Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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