he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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