im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
