my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
