Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
