i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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