I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
