im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
