Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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