is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
