i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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