The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
