I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
