My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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