i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
