I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
