In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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