i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
