Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
