I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
