i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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