maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
