I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
