spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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