well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
