I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
