burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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