On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Someone came in the potted fern
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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