doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize