Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
