jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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