I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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