he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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