just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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