and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
