do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
