I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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