She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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