Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
