There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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