capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
