in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
