Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
