Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
