I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
