I'm going to jail i love you
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
