How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
