I'm jealous of your bromance
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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