im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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