Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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