smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
