If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
