Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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