is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
