He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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