woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
