the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
